first pitch and feedback

Our story starts when, one night after school Blair and Chuck, two school friends who have always had eyes for each other, slip away to the science labs and have started to get a bit too close. However, Blair starts to worry thinking her high-school boyfriend Nate will find out. She knows he will go insane so she suggests to Chuck they make a move. As they retreat Chuck finds they have been locked in. Blair thinks he is messing with her until he starts to panic and shakes the door. Suddenly the lights black out, they trays of the lab start shaking, and the taps slowly begin to drip. The couple start to be become more and more curious as Chuck swears he hears footsteps. It’s then when Blair finds something as she walks into the cupboard. An open box of matches and can of petrol are laying across the floor. She begins to freak until Chuck reassures her they are in a science lab, and it is probably the part of some experiment.
The story then skips to the next morning where newspaper headlines are flashing. Two school children were killed last night in the suspicions of a non-accidental fire. A very mournful looking Nate is sitting in the playground holding a picture. He looks lost in between two worlds. A friend comes over to console him. He confides in his friend finishing the story by telling him at least this way Blair will always be his.


feedback from first pitch

1) How did your story link towards your theme colour red?
Our story was able to link towards the theme colour of red because we used ideas of sexuality, love, revenge and the fire, all these symbolise the colour of red.

2) How do your characters develop throughout story?
Alfie’s character is not seen until the end but he develops through the story as a jealous boyfriend who then lets his obsession and anger cause him to seek revenge. Nearer the ending of the story he becomes remorseful and regrets his action. His character builds up throughout the story.


3) During the flashback are you going to show female and male character?
The flashback used at the end of the story would show what took place that day and what actions were carried out which lead to the ending of the story. The flashback will be from the point of view of alfie and will show him watching and seeing Marie and Johnny together.

4) Is there only going to be character motivation for alfie’s character?
Marie at the beginning of the story was motivated to carry out her secret fling with Johnny because she had true feelings for him and felt her current boyfriend was not right for here, she was motivated to try and escape for a little bit from alfie. Although alfie is the main character who has character motivation, his actions where caused by his jealously and what he saw , this motivated him to become angry and hurt the other two characters.


5) During the flashback are you going to show the audience how alfie’s character finds out about the secret love fling and how will you do this?
Yes in the flashback will show everything from alfie’s point of view , which will allow the audience to see when he saw the other two characters together , how he decided what to do and how he carried out the fire. We will show this through fast paced cut shots to give the audience a glimpse into how it all happened.

6) How are you going to be able to get your cast members to show the physical affection that Marie and Johnny share?
Suggestions were made and some people thought it was best to either use mature students, or a couple who would not be worried about acting close with one another. We also decided we would not show things that were not appropriate or full on which would make the cast embarrassed.

7) How are you going to give audience insight into characters personality and background?
Throughout our story we would create a back story for all three characters and explain more about the characters through their appearance, dialogue, body language.

8)When filming the scene where lights blackout how are u going to still film in the dark and be able to show audience the action that is still taking place?
We would allow maybe a bit of natural sunlight to come in and since we would be filming during the day with the blinds down it would be the right amount of darkness in the room to show the action taking place, also we could include into the story that maybe one of the characters finds a torch nearby and puts that on to create light in the room.

9)Is there enough dialogue between the characters to show scene progressing and action taking place?
The story doesn’t have to include to much dialogue , but whiles Marie and Johnny are in the science lab there will be dialogue to let audience know what is taking place and how scene progresses.